(Crash Symbols, 2010)
[An excerpt from the diary of 14-year-old Melissa, a high-school freshman who’s popular because she’s nice; favorite television show is Glee; favorite movie is Drumline … for some reason (OK, so the conceit works).]
Today I met my new best friends – they’re a group of performers called Foot Village – they’re the sweetest, most wonderful people I’ve ever met. There are three boys and one girl, and they’re all so pretty – I can’t take my eyes off them when I’m around them! They make me, I don’t know … I guess I feel good about myself all the time. Have you heard their music? It’s so positive! Two of the boys play drums, and the other boy and the girl shout a lot into megaphones, and there’s no other instruments – it’s really neat! It makes me think of Drumline, when Nick Cannon – wasn’t he so cute in that movie! – added “a little something something on the end,” all cool and rebellious. I know Foot Village composes their music very carefully, but it always sounds like there’s “a little something something” extra in there for me.
I see them mostly at school, but they play their songs at this club, called The Smell? It’s that gross place? My mom won’t let me go there – even though there’s lots of all ages shows. That’s OK though, they gave me a tape of some of their songs, World Fantasy, and I think it’s about how everybody in the world should love each other. I think that would be so great. And their songs are educational! I played some for my Geography teacher, Mr. Walter, the ones I thought he’d like: “Brazil,” “Great Britain and the Bermuda Rebellion,” “Guatemala,” “Egypt” – he just looked at me weird though. That’s OK, I went home and listened to my favorites, like “Lovers with Iraqis,” “World Fantasy (Featuring Weirdo/Begeirdo)” (I love all the Weirdo Begeirdo parts, when they do it like a stage play!), and “Totally Tween,” because I was a tween not that long ago, and they really get it.
[An exceprt from the diary of Todd, a 28-year-old retail clerk at a major book retailer. Todd’s stuck in a career rut, but knows more than you about everything, especially music. The “underappreciated scholar,” as it were.]
It’s not worth listening to if it’s not on cassette anymore, is it? I can’t even get into the “indie” stuff anymore – it’s all a bunch of sell-out, no-talent hacks playing guitar and not doing anything original. Sub Pop, Merge, Matador? Run by morons. Seriously, if a band presses anything in quantities greater than 1,000, they’re not worth your time. Micro runs people! I’m telling you. Wave of the future.
Yeah, I heard Foot Village. They’re pretty good – nice setup, all drums, no frills. Bellowed vocals. The girl kind of sounds like Hanin Elias from Atari Teenage Riot. That’s not a bad thing. Connected to HEALTH, The Mae Shi, Captain Ahab, got that tribal catharsis vibe going. Nice irony too – The Dip ending on “Lovers with Iraqis” is so stupid it’s kind of cool, same with “Totally Tween.” And how could you have a song called “Where Ever the Fuck Arnold Schwarzenegger’s From” and not be cool? And hell, man, there’s a Pete Swanson remix – Pete Swanson! D Yellow Swans! Gone before their time.
Some of this gets on my nerves though – “Egypt” is kind of a waste of time, isn’t it? I don’t need anybody dry heaving into my earbuds for six minutes. “World Fantasy (Featuring Weirdo/Begeirdo)”? Please. That’s freshman year performance art bullcrap, best left to the stage geeks. Nobody cares! Like those jackasses who think they’re all that for “engaging” their Intro to Psychology professors with “interesting” questions – you’re not fooling anyone. Earnestness is passé, dummies!
[An excerpt from the diary of Amanda, a 17-year-old high school senior. Amanda’s kind of an outsider, intense, loves poetry, music, and art. She doesn’t have any time for you posers, so leave her alone.]
Nobody gets me but Foot Village. Sometimes I just want to bang on things, and scream as loud as I can! It’s like I’m living in a nightmare sometimes, and World Fantasy lets me be myself and go crazy however I want to. I love that about the band. I even love the different stuff, like “Egypt” – it’s so primal and guttural, and it’s like the eye of the record’s storm! And the “Energy Hunters” remix is so great – and I love the lyrics, “We are human, we are animals, cold-blooded reptiles” – yeah, I get that. It almost sounds a little goth, a little industrial, like Trent Reznor taking a shit on the kitchen floor after Pigface practice, then Martin Atkins rubbing his nose in it and kicking him out of the house while En Esch giggles from the corner.
So I’m ready to take this Foot Village concept to a whole new level – I’m going to make them take notice! All of them – my teachers, all those jerks at school, and Foot Village themselves. I’ve got the keys to the band room, some energy drinks, some kerosene, some firecrackers, and a performance in my bones that everyone needs to see. I’ve got my eye on those tympani, and the drum kit, and the PA system. This is going to be the show of a lifetime – look at me, Foot Village, I’m joining you, won’t you please notice!!!
[Ed. note: Amanda did end up setting the band room on fire, all the while bashing away at whatever she could find, but was last seen sheepishly grinning from the back of an ambulance as the fire department extinguished what turned out to be merely a minor blaze. Foot Village has yet to comment.]
RIYL: Aa, HEALTH, Captain Ahab, The Mae Shi, but with all drums
“TOTALLY TWEEN (LIVE)”
“LOVERS WITH IRAQIS”
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